I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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