my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
