This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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