You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
