They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize