the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
