There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I love you. Go after that dick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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