Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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