We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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