So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone shattered a urinal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize