my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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