We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
