1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
