I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
