Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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