I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
