So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
