Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
