so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
