He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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