he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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