actually, I'm a sock model
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
