She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found puke in my bra..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize