Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
