It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
