So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
