Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
