you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
