Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
