Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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