I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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