apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
