Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When are your genitals available?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
