Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
