ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
