dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize