i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
