My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
