He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
