I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
