Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize