i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize