epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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