the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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