i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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