T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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