I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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