Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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