Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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