I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
