if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
