Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The maid of honor just puked.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
