He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
