Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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