He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
