We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
