Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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