my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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