And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
