i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We have started to decorate penises.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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