There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
