I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
