I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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