my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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