Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
