Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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