maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
