He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
