well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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