We're facebook friends in real life
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
