I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
