why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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