Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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