my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i need some magic done to my vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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