Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
