I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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