Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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