I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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