my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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