he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
