Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
