I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
