If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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