Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
