my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
