Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
