what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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