Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
