i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
