im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
