How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
