haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
