she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
