Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
