C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
